Do you ever have a moment where you feel completely over your life like it’s your third time dumping a toxic ex?
I remember waking up one average day, a nothing special day.
It was a Tuesday.
I hated Tuesdays.
I remember waking up that very average Tuesday with the weight of my very average life weighing on me so heavy, I felt like I couldn’t take a single, average breath. A panic attack hit me like a smack in the face within my first few minutes of being awake.
Hyperventilate while thinking, “I can’t do this shit anymore.”
Hyperventilate harder while I try to figure out what “this shit” even is.
Do I really hate Tuesdays this freaking much?
I’m Fine. Everything is FINE.
On the surface, my life was fine. I had a decent job. I had an okay family. I had some “good” friends and a boyfriend who was nice to me. I was doing okay with money. I had a predictably decent life. But no matter how hard I tried to fit myself into having fun on the weekends or side projects I never seemed to get around to, I couldn’t shake this feeling.
Most people relate to the idea of FOMO, but this wasn’t about a vacation or a concert or a handbag. This was something deeper. This was a fear of never truly living without a need to escape. What about a life I wanted to wake up to every day, including Tuesdays?
I couldn’t help but worry I was somehow missing my shot at a GOOD life full of joy and adventure and possibility.
Robert Louis Stevenson, writer, traveler, and bold adventurer said:
“And the true realism, always and everywhere, is that of the poets: to find out where joy resides, and give it a voice far beyond singing. For to miss the joy is to miss all.”
To miss the joy is to miss all…
Do you feel like you’re missing out on something bigger?
I’m not talking about finding religion or discovering the truth behind UFO sightings.
What about that intangible pull on your soul looking for a better opportunity?
Some bigger, better version of yourself?
Some enlightened version of this whole game of life?
The Pursuit of Joy
I’m not the first to be disappointed in a 9-5 lifestyle with some important job. I won’t be the last to feel dissatisfied with the idea that I’ll be happy someday if I work hard enough. Long term goals are important, and building toward big dreams is essential to a happy life. However, I can’t help but see a culture built around sacrificing more than just short term gains or a few moments of happiness.
We’re constantly talking about meditation and medication and morning pages and mental health days and making more with less resources for a reason.
Mental health is one of the biggest discussions of our time. Unhappiness, anxiety, depression, and overall dissatisfaction in life only seem to increase everytime we scroll online. In response, we’re fighting for more flexible ways to work, more value for our time, and more unconventional options for our lives.
Where Does Joy Fit in Your Life?
I know you want more free time to travel, mental space to pursue passion, and real opportunities to explore the world around you. I know your life is about so much more than how much you make on that paycheck and how much of it you save or spend. We want to be part of meaningful communities and put effort into projects with purpose. We want our voice and our vote to matter. We want to feel like our dedication counts for more than just another day spent grinding for a better someday.
The answer to your dissatisfaction isn’t in hoping for a bigger, better someday or embracing a life that doesn’t make you happy. The answer lies in cultivating a lifestyle that actually brings you joy, every single day of your life.
But how do you actually build a life you love?
Even on Tuesdays?
Joy is a Lifestyle Choice
I like to tell myself, “Joy is a lifestyle choice.”
It’s a mantra. A reminder that in every facet of my life, I have the ability to create something joyfully, ecstatically awesome with that little piece of my reality if I want to. If I truly focus on what I can control, I have a lot of power to make just about anything in my life more joyful. I’m capable of building magical experiences, relationships, and habits right now. And you are absolutely capable too.
- Morning coffee? It could be that thing I spill all over myself as I rush out the door, hoping I remembered some form of creamer. Or it could be a luxurious sipping experience of my own cinnamon-mixed coffee blend with the perfect amount of milk. It could be already brewed with my favorite coffee cup sitting next to the pot waiting for me when I first wake up in the morning. It could be a sure way to start the day with a smile on my face.
- Office space? It could be that cramped, dirty desk with 47 tabs open on a laptop and a pile of crumpled sticky notes absolutely essential to my next project. It could be my bed, trying to stay on top of emails. I wonder why I seem like a work zombie that can’t ever sleep… Or, it could be a wonderful, inviting, organized space where all my ideas have a home. It could be a thoughtfully crafted environment that makes me excited to show up and work everyday, reminding me of my goals.
- Relationship with significant other? It could be that source of anxiety and confusion in my life keeping me distracted from all those bigger goals. Maybe it’s unhealthy, or not supportive of who I really want to be. Or it could be a purposeful source of joy and courage in my life. Maybe it could be the coolest partnership ever full of authentic acceptance and supporting each other fiercely.
Building a Joyful Life (One Magical Choice at a Time)
This joyful lifestyle choice can apply to your job, your clothes, your car, your groceries, your bedsheets, your commute, your morning routine, your hairstyle, your house decor, your kitchen sink, your Starbucks order, your social media, your sexuality, your friendships, your hobbies, your reading list, your music, your family time, your literally everything.
I’m not telling you to just change your perspective or buy a houseplant (though I’m all for a good gratitude journal sesh and turning the house into your own private indoor jungle if that’s you). What I am telling you is that you are capable of actually, massively changing any one part of your life you want and making it authentically amazing for you.
You are a Joyful Party Looking for a Place to Happen
I don’t know you that well, but I happen to know for a fact that you are an amazing, magical human being, totally capable of blowing the socks of the whole world with your inherently incredible you-ness. I also happen to know that you are totally capable of solving any problem you face and taking every opportunity that comes your way. And lastly, I know that you are not a boring person. You are a being of joy and magic and light. I have it on good authority that you’re basically a whole joyful life party just looking for a place to happen.
Do you believe that?
Every little bit of your life right now is potential magic waiting to happen. You take that piece, work at it, and craft it into a little joyful slice of authentic awesomeness all your own. Put your mark, your flavor, your YOU on that shiz-nit. And if you keep making little pieces of your life magical, one step at a time, you’re on track to build a whole lifestyle that way.
You just might wake up one average day totally jazzed for that most authentically joyful life.
Maybe you stop and think, “This is a pretty freaking good Tuesday.”
Recognizing the Need for Change
Some parts of your life, I guarantee, you don’t love to live right now. Maybe its a job that sucks the life out of you. I feel that. Maybe it’s a relationship or friendship that no longer fits who you want to be. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s your need to meet your own needs and you’ve been ignoring that lately. Learning how to love your life starts with being honest about the parts you don’t love… and recognizing it’s okay. We have to be honest about what isn’t making us happy, and even scarier, we have to be fiercely honest with ourselves about what actually does bring us joy.
When we’ve spent years ignoring our joy and focusing on survival, it can be daunting to figure out what we truly want out of life. Finding out what honestly makes you happy might be a bit trickier than you think. It might really suck at first actually. But I promise you, the journey to where your joy resides is worth it.
Where Do You Find Joy?
Building a better life starts with taking time to figure out what needs to change… and learning what truly brings you joy. What comes to mind when you think of your most joyful life?
How would you honestly answer someone if they asked you…
- What makes you happy?
- What really lights you up inside and when was the last time you felt that way?
- How often do you full belly laugh, and who in your life makes you laugh the most?
- What makes you feel like a kid at Disneyland all over again?
- When was the last time you went on an adventure?
- Are you a happy, joyful person to be around?
- What 3 things bring you the most joy each month? Each week? Each day?
The Power of Curiosity
Learning how to ask yourself the right questions is one of the most underrated skills for improving your life. Curiosity is a compass that points inward, allowing us to better understand what brings us joy… and what needs to change.
When you approach life with curiosity about yourself, your situations, and the world around you, it can be an unexpected catalyst for happiness. It’s through our curious nature that we learn to understand ourselves, our world, and our loved ones. It’s through a curious attitude that we discover new passions and deepen our existing ones.
Cultivating a Curious Mindset
Curiosity isn’t just about asking questions; it’s about the intention of understanding. A curious attitude requires us to let go of fear and boldly ask, “Why is that?,” and “What could be different?” Facing life with a curious mindset helps us step out of the defensive, fear-based thinking mode and into a more positive, creative perspective. Embracing a curious attitude can not only help you solve problems, it’s absolutely necessary in pursuit of your most joyful life.
To start building a joyful life, get curious about what your joy actually looks like.
Where does your joy reside?
Looking for Joy? You’re Going on an Adventure.
Close your eyes and let go of all the BS flying around that brain of yours for just a minute. I want you to picture yourself H A P P Y. I mean happy as a clam, living that absolute shit out of your life, doing anything you want with zero limits. I want you to picture yourself feeling joyful and true to all you’re supposed to be in the world.
Whatcha doin?
Were you picturing any adventures in there? Maybe…
- Visiting or living in some glorious *other* place
- Finally trying that business idea (and succeeding)
- Building a happy AF life with your soulmate
- Inventing something amazing
- Pursuing your passion
- Saying yes to awesome experiences
- Maybe just good coffee every morning?
We naturally yearn toward discovering, exploring, savoring, building, trying, understanding. We need time for adventure. If you don’t know exactly what adventures you want out of your life yet, that’s okay. I didn’t either. I loved the idea of possibilities, of travel, of doing something meaningful… but all I could really figure out with absolute certainty was that good coffee every morning would make me happy.
Every Grand Adventure Begins With a First Step
My most joyful life started with coffee. That’s it. That’s about as far as my brain could get while stuck in survival mode. At first, I couldn’t picture myself happy. I realized I didn’t really know who I was, and I wasn’t totally sure what I wanted out of life. What I did know was that my soul found delight in the first sip of an especially good cup of coffee. I also knew that every morning, I barely managed to chug half a shitty cup of Folgers my roommate (hopefully) brewed before leaving for work late.
So I boldly ventured forth and bought myself a cheap little 4-cup coffee pot with the autobrew feature for my bedroom. It somehow felt like a monumental life decision, yet it cost me like, $15. I mixed cinnamon into my coffee grounds to make it feel ~lux~ and set the pot up on my nightstand the night before. Yes, my nightstand. I started waking up to wonderful bean juice brewing right next to me. Coffee pot alarm clock, anyone?
Finding Adventure in Every Cup
I found an extremely disproportionate amount of happiness in that cinnamon coffee smell when I first woke up in the morning. So much so, I committed to setting my little coffee pot the night before again. And again. I started looking forward to my coffee so much, I found it a little easier to get out of bed. As a girl who was constantly running late for everything, I found myself actually getting up on time most mornings. It was some kind of magical hack. I started feeling just a bit better about starting my day. A bit better about myself.
Sipping on those glorious cups of coffee in the morning, I had more room to look at other areas of my life. I started getting curious about more ways I could purposefully craft my lifestyle for joy. I added music to my mornings. I started reading. I started cleaning my room a little bit the night before and making my bed in the morning. I swear, it somehow made my coffee taste better. I kept focusing on these little moments of cinnamon coffee happiness, using them as a foundation to grow a whole new way of life.
If It Sounds Too Easy it Probably Is
I know this shit sounds simple. I could tell you, “just make a great cup of coffee, make your bed, put on a nice playlist and you’ll be fine,” but the same ideas didn’t work for me just a few months before.
It was about something more intrinsic than coffee. It was about waking up to a new day and actively choosing even the smallest act of joy, as if in defiance of the routine monotony. That moment of joy felt like rebellion. A personal counterculture movement against an entire way of life I had accidentally let happen. A new movement that spread into the corners of my morning until it snowballed into everything.
You have to connect to something deeper. Something past surviving. You have to go searching for the joy and patiently learn how to give it a voice. The voice of a perfect medium roast in the morning sipped comfortably in a plush robe with “In Bloom” by The Good Husbands playing in the background. You have to start believing you deserve a life beyond getting by.
Deep down, do you know you deserve to be happy?
It’s true. Own it. I’m giving you full permission to pull out a proverbial microphone and say it with your chest.
I think you deserve a joyful as all-freaking-get-out life that blows the top off your wildest dreams.
Are you ready to believe it too?
Adventure + Curiosity = The Path to a Joyful Life
That’s the formula. That’s the vibe. “Adventuriosity” became my combined term for a mindset fiercely focused on finding the joy. I started getting curious about where adventure fit, starting with the smallest steps in my morning. As I bravely ask new questions and boldly explore new possibilities, I find a life I love more all the time. Now all I want to do is share Adventuriosity with you, because I know you’re capable of magical, joyful, greatness too. I bet we’d be a blast at parties.
I know your greatest, biggest, most joyful life is right in front of you, just around the corner, if you’re brave enough to peek. I’m there with balloons and confetti and a sign saying “WELCOME TO THE PARTY, RADICAL HUMAN.” All you have to do is believe it’s all there waiting for you.
Are you ready for your next adventure?
On my way with cinnamon coffee and confetti,
Kristin Joy